The Return

I should return to writing. 

It has been a while since I last picked up a pen, 

Since I last thought of thoughts and had it written down, 

And since I last looked forward to everyday.

Untimely

I met Death once.

We were in another dimension, almost dreamlike, surrounded by the cosmos and supernovas the size of one’s palm. Miles underneath us was a ball of molten lava resembling that of the sun’s core. Below it, a dark pit of nothingness. Drifting stars paved way to a dark and inscrutable matter that appeared before me in a reversed, smoky dispersion manner: it was Death.

“Here we are.” Death spoke.

“Here we are.” I mimicked with a shrug and half a smile.

“Do you know why you’re here?” Death asked. I shook my head. “You are in the realm of choices. You choose where you’ll stay for all eternity. “

I pondered for a bit. “Realm of choices? I thought that when I die, I die. No choices whatsoever.”

“Dying is a choice.”

“No it isn’t.”

“Yes, it is. At least for mortals like you.” Death said and continued, “Everyday, humans roam the Earth…going about their daily routines, breathing….the Earth has so much to offer and each sunrise promises a discovery, as each sunset promises the stars and the glow of the moon. A human’s life is sufficient enough and yet, they chose to die. They end their lives too early and some found themselves buried a few feet underground. Many others, however, wander the Earth as marionettes whose movements are driven by routine, not by their choice to live.”

“But I don’t want to die.” I answered and realized my mistake. “Not yet anyway.” I added.

Comets collided with the heavenly bodies that fenced us. Specks of yellow, orange, and red light engulfed my vision.

“You are a funny mortal.” Death exclaimed. “You are a nobody. You left no mark on Earth. Your name is not known to many and many do not care. You are no one and yet, you want to live.”

“Not everyone who is a no one wants to die.” I said in a nonchalant manner.

It was silent for a moment until Death made everything disappear into a black space with just a snap of a finger. Voices spouting various verses slowly upped its volume until noise consumed my ears.

Useless.

I should just die.

There is no meaning to life.

Why do I keep on existing?

Why am I even alive?

“Sounds familiar?” Death asked. “These were your thoughts while you still had all the time in the world. You wanted to die. You found no meaning to life.”

I was silent.

“That is another reason why you are a funny mortal. You are a nobody and you, yourself, knew it. Why would you want to go on living when you have no reason for doing so?”

I let out the sigh I was holding in before I gave my honest reply. “At that time, yes…I didn’t have a reason for living. Life was just a cycle of waking up in the morning and going to sleep at night. Every day was just another day. But…I don’t think that way anymore.”

“And why is that?”

I gave a lopsided grin. “Guess I’ve found a reason. Reasons, actually.”

It was Death’s turn to be silent and, upon doing so, the noises vanished. It was just Death and me in this dark emptiness.

“When you were alive, you were just another lifeless being roaming around. When you were in the path to dying, you slowly found reasons...and it wasn’t because you were dying that you found them. These reasons, miniscule as they were, opened your eyes and made you want to live. These reasons were enough to keep your heart beating for a few more times before you heeded my call. You are indeed a funny mortal.”

“Indeed I am.” I replied cheekily.

Contrary to popular belief, Death wasn’t as unkind as others would portray.

Perhaps it was just a matter of how one welcomed Death.

“There are many humans more accomplished than you yet they fear me and will do anything to avoid me. Others with power bring their fellowmen to me even if it wasn’t their due time. I am despised by many, more so since I am inevitable. I have seen eyes which loathed me, eyes which bargained for more time, and eyes which showed a deep emptiness and apathy. Yet you…you looked at me as if you had long expected me…as if I were a guest when in fact I am a stranger. You want to live, but your eyes do not shun me.”

Death looked at me, amused. “What a pleasure it is to meet someone like you.”



The once dark place flashed a blinding white.

I opened my eyes, and I have woken up.

Hanahaki Disease

Does it hurt to love someone?

"Only if they don't love you back."

Of Death and Flowers

I received a bouquet of flowers yesterday and here’s what I heard from a colleague:

“Flowers’ll just die anyway!”

Yes – I am well aware that flowers will eventually wilt and die, but nevertheless I accepted it. There are many things in this world that will perish over time, and not just flowers. Death is inevitable but it should not be something one has to despair over, because despairing over death is like despairing over life. One cannot stop death for it is a fate sealed from the moment life was born. Death cannot be stopped, but it can be delayed. The same goes for life. It goes on, and only you have the ability to make the ride worthwhile.

Say you were a flower of your liking: if you knew what your fate will be – and that is to be picked, arranged, then to wilt in the end – will you stop yourself from growing and blooming into what you were destined to be? Will you allow yourself to wallow in fear and reject the opportunities stored after sunrise?

My point is to stop numbering your days. Convert the inevitable into inspiration. Smile more and live each day to the fullest. Plant a seed of hope and happiness in the hearts of millions, the way flowers cause a smile, even if it’s only for the moment. Don’t let the vines of death hinder you from blossoming.

I placed the flowers in a delicate vase I found. A petal fell off.

Yes – flowers will die, and so will us humans.

But we bloom anyway.

LDR

Adults and Carnival Rides

I went to a carnival once 

It has all the amazing rides

From ferris wheels to rollercoasters, 

It was such a sight 

I toured myself around, 

Past the faces of blurred identities 

Television noises surrounding the area and excited screams were heard 

As the coaster went down and up, when the ferris wheel took them to the highest point 

Children gleefully riding 

The smiling horses of a merry-go-round 

Which resembled a music box I used to dream of having, back when I was younger

Everything was bliss 

Cotton candy was stuffed inside mouths and popcorn was served 

Endless amusement surged through every border 

Magic tricks performed at the corner of my eye

I walked along with a ticket in one hand 

Until I reached the exit 

I went out disappointed

Nighttime Jeepney Ride

9:15 pm

It was the umpteenth time that I had checked my wristwatch while waiting for any means of transportation under the shelter of a tiny waiting shed. When the weather report announced heavy continuous rain to fall this evening, I had my doubts since the sun was shining brightly hours ago hence I only brought an umbrella as shield against the heat. My day went about the same as usual with few minor changes such as having to stay for another hour at the café to finish a project that was due in 2 days.

The sweet aroma of a hot cup of mocha espresso accompanied by steaming croissants filled my nostrils as I typed away on my laptop to the chattering white noise made by other customers. It was only when the first shower of rain that I halted my typing and gazed outside the glass windows like the majority. Some abruptly finished their pastries and drank their beverage in one go before leaving the place. Others stayed for a while until they eventually got up and went out the door, the sound of wind chimes barely heard due to the downpour outside.

A minute passed and there were only 3 customers left, myself included. The rain showed no signs of stopping so I gathered my belongings and readied my umbrella for a battle against the forces of nature. I went out and managed to walk a few feet away in hopes of catching a cab or a jeepney. Unfortunately, the vehicles that passed-by were either fully occupied or privately owned. Then, as if my luck ran out, the rain became heavier to the point that my umbrella broke. I shrieked as the cold rain water seeped into my clothes. I knew I had to look for shelter unless I want to wake up sick the next morning.

Puddles were splashed as I ran on the sidewalk while looking for a place to protect myself from the rain. Most establishments had already closed and I contemplated on checking in a hotel until I saw a waiting shed. It was small and empty but it was enough to keep myself dry.

‘Perfect!’ I thought as I took my refuge in the area. I opened my bag and took a surprisingly dry towel. It must’ve been buried deep into the bag because most of my items were semi-wet, laptop included. I could only hope that the damage wasn’t as dire as I thought.

With a sigh, I slumped down and reflected on my decisions.

‘Maybe I should’ve just gone home straight.’ I thought gloomily. ‘Would things be different if I listened to the damn weather report instead of ignoring it?’

The influx of what ifs and should haves were interrupted as the headlights from a jeepney glared at my direction. The driver pulled over and, like the rain, relief washed over me as I went in. There were seven passengers, myself included, and the driver made it eight people inside the jeepney. I sat nearest the driver seat and collected myself. It had been such a great day when it suddenly became awful!

“You looked stumped.” The driver began, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Rough day.” I responded. “I didn’t expect this turn of events. Should’ve just gone home instead…”

“I see.”

I was partly glad to have expressed what was bothering me even though I was talking to a stranger. I scanned the area in the most inconspicuous manner. Across me were an elderly lady and a little boy, presumably her grandson, peacefully sleeping despite the rain and occasional road bumps. A little away from them was a sturdy-looking man wearing a fluffy jacket and holding a small bag of groceries in one hand. Closest to the exit was a young man listening to music while looking at the passing scenery. On my side were two female high school students whose voices competed with the downpour of rain.

Then there’s me: wet from the rain, tired, and protected from the cold by a face towel on my back.

‘Oh right…my fare.’

I rummaged my bag for my wallet and I handed my fare to the driver when,

“Oh, no need. The ride’s free of charge.”

Surprised, I asked, “Is this some kind of final destination concept?”

Of course, the driver laughed. “No, not at all!”

“Are you a criminal?”

“What criminal gives a free ride?”

‘One who plans to gather victims for his freaky experiments.’ I thought but held my tongue. He didn’t look like a bad guy yet I couldn’t help but to ask what made him do this.

“I didn’t plan to, but I figured that someone has to. With this weather, it’s common to see jeepneys full of passengers. At this time, however, most people are home so it shouldn’t be a wonder as to why there are only a few passengers now. Besides, everyone here underwent something so might as well be a good person and drive you people to your respective destination, free of charge.”

“Huh, well that’s something.” I said and scratched the back of my head in a sheepish manner. “Thank you, I guess.”

The driver let out an enthusiastic laugh. “You’re welcome!”

With a grateful heart, I returned my loose change inside my wallet. The rain grew heavier so everyone scooted away from the exit, especially the guy nearest it. The ride was silent, save for the downpour of rain, until the man in the fluffy jacket spoke.

“Hey son, mind telling me the time?” He asked the only other male besides the driver.

“Uh, yeah. It’s 10:35.” The younger male replied.

“Thanks. Should’ve been home by now if my car didn’t break.”

“That’s too bad.”

A simple exchange turned into a full-blown conversation. Little did I know that every passenger on this jeepney would involve themselves.

“Had to pick up a few items for my family. My little girl asked me to get a certain snack but I couldn’t find it.” The middle-aged man continued.

“You should check the minimart near 8^th street. They have all kinds of snacks there!” One of the high schoolers exclaimed.

“Ah yes. My grandson and I were from there when it rained.” The elderly lady began. “He wanted to buy this since yesterday.”

She took a pack of chocolate nibbles out of her bag and showed it to us.

“Ah! That’s the one!” The man cried out.

The old lady smiled and handed the snack towards him.

The man shook his head. “Oh, I couldn’t possibly – “

“It’s all right. We bought two. Besides, it doesn’t hurt to share.”

The middle-aged man grinned. “Thank you so much! My daughter will be thrilled!”

It was the high schoolers’ turn to speak.

“Wow…it’s good to see generous people in a world full of selfish ones.” The girl with the pigtails began.

“If everyone wasn’t so greedy, maybe the world would be a better place.” The other one with glasses added.

“It would be nice indeed.” The elderly commented, her smile intact.

“By the way, the two of you are still in high school, correct? Why are you going home so late?” The man asked. “You too, son. You look like you’re in college but even this time is late.”

“We were hanging out when we lost track of time. Before we knew it, we were caught up in the rain.” The girl with the pigtails replied. “We even had to go from one location to another just to find a jeepney because all others were full!”

“I just needed to get out of the house. Catch a breather, you know?” The younger male replied.

“Whatever it is, I pray you find the strength to overcome it.” The elderly lady replied. “If there’s one thing I learned in my 62 years of living, it would be to persevere despite hardships. Life can get you down a lot so it is up to you on how to rise again. We can’t stay at rock bottom forever now can we?”

The young man smiled a little. “Thanks. I’ll remember that.”

“If I may add, relationship matters as well.” The man in the fluffy jacked added. “Living alone can be, well, lonesome. It’s good to have someone you wake up next to, or to have a smiling lil’ girl waiting for you to arrive home. Ah, but of course you’re still young…you have the time to figure what you really want outta life.”

“But what if you don’t know what you want? What if you make a lot of mistakes?” The girl with the pigtails began.

“Yeah! What if you should’ve done this instead or you shouldn’t have done that at all?” The student with glasses continued.

This time, it was the driver who spoke. “Well, that’s life. It can be so unfair that you’d rather sit still and be a vegetable instead. But what good will that do?”

This small piece of wisdom was enough to change the mood into an uplifting one, as if it wasn’t even raining.

“True. It’s hard to live but it’s nice to be alive.” The young man supplemented.

“It’s a matter of how we see things, huh? If a picture looks crooked, look at it from another angle.” Said the middle-aged man. “Perfection might be unachievable, but happiness can.”

“That’s a lovely thought. If life were a human, it’d be just as flawed as us.” The elderly lady agreed. At this time, her grandson had awoken and was entertained by the high schoolers.

While the rest were caught up in their conversation, the driver called my attention.

“Actually, everyone inside this jeepney went through something today.”

I raised an eyebrow. “How can you tell?”

“By their faces before I picked them up. They seemed to be deep in thought, troubled even. But now, they looked happier. You too – you looked like you were blaming yourself over something. At this moment, however, it seems like you forgot about it. If I’m not mistaken, you even look enlightened.”

My lips managed to form a small smile. “I guess so.”

Not long after, the chatter died down and so did the rain. The middle-aged man with the fluffy jacket was the first to get off the jeepney, followed by the elderly lady and her grandson together with the young man, then lastly the high schoolers and me.

“Hey, don’t let the consequences of your actions affect you too much. Grow from it instead.” The driver exclaimed as he pointed at my broken umbrella. “The rain will stop eventually. Keep safe!”

I thanked the driver once again and bid him goodbye. I thought my circumstance was going to ruin my mood the entire night, but it turned out it was just what I needed. Those other passengers went through tough times I’m sure, but they didn’t seem too stumped about it. In fact, they gained something from it. I did too.

I went to sleep with a smile on my face.